As those of you who know or may not know, I am a considerable sentimental person. I don’t know whether it is beneficial to me or not but right now I’m saying that’s my Achilles heel. I really look into every single detail in feelings for something, somewhere, or even someone..it is just like when you are playing beethoven or Chopin, you can’t overlook every single dynamic detail in their music or you’re going to ruin it. There’s a stereotype about guys that they bleed more than they cry. That’s not true for me and im hating it. IDGAF who you are to me or how long you have known me, but as long as you did something for me or went through something with me, you’re added to my ‘Favourites’ List in my heart. I may appear indifferent about all this but it is just that I don’t show it on my face, I feel it using my heart and I remember every single detail so that I can do something for you given a chance next time because I am sentimental. I think the worst of it is that it makes it difficult to part with people. When my grandma passed away in 2009, I cried my heart out every single day till no more voice comes out. And now another good friend of mine is leaving me to somewhere with more hopes for the future. I think the reason why it is so difficult to part is because of what we went through together, the inside jokes that we laughed at, the times we spent witnessing changes together. All these years of memories, of laughter, of sadness and right now I’m going to walk all these paths we once walked together alone. That makes me really sad. When you look at me I may seem cheerful and sunny as a guy, but sometimes it is just me putting on a strong front in school because you know when you have friends who bang each other every single time when they meet, it’s quite difficult to feel alone and all that. But what I’m talking about is times when I’m alone, after all the busy rush hours in day time and memorizing formulae for physics and all that shit, you realize that you are back to your real self, you return back to your inner world. And what makes me hard to swallow is when you are tossing and turning in bed while the clock strikes 0000 and you just can’t sleep. Because somehow, SOMEHOW, those memories that gave you ripples and all that emotional shit comes back to you, those memories together with the person so important to you..a recollection of every movement you made with her. Be it as standard as in a style of a march, or as expressive as fortissimo, or as low profiled as pianissimo, as unprepared as semiquavers, or as solemn as a piano sonata, or as happy as Friska, or as romantic like Liszt or Chopin, or as unforgettable like fireworks, like finale in a Concerto, those memories somehow make your heart ache because you know that now you are left with ONLY memories and you don’t know what the future gives, you don’t know whether you’re going to meet your friend once again ever in your whole life or not. It is just .. fate I guess? I can’t live just on the memories and it is so difficult to forget, I don’t know what my music will be if I play it without you sitting beside me. I guess parting is a process everyone goes through in life and people handles their feelings toward it differently. To me, I find it so difficult to put down and let go. I know time may heal and as time passes, everything will be a thing of the past and you will look forward to the future, but it is the thought of not able to relive past memories , thought of not being able to see your love ever again in life makes me simply helpless, scared and sad. Sometimes crying makes me feel better but it is the feeling of being scared that shits me up. I feel so scared of it. I even went to great extents to fool myself that it is not going to happen, I avoided it. But fear has found me. I don’t know what life will be without you because that sentimental value was once my motivation and inspiration in life. I will learn to embrace life like how you did .. but without you this time. I don’t care what is going to happen in the future, but I really cherished everything in the past few years and I want to thank you for me so influential in my life. If not for you, I think I wouldn’t become of who I am today. I know there will be times when I will rewalk those paths alone, but im sure one day we will meet again. <3

4:47 AM
Up, up, and away!